you're a mystery yourself

Thursday, December 16, 2004

1:46 PM

i love my father. i love him so much. but i find it so difficult to tell him that. now that i'm home almost every day i see him so much i feel so much closer to him than ever. i listened to him, i watched his daily routine to the market, feed the animals and goes off to work. he would eat lesser just to buy $11 worth of fishes and $4.20 of chicken for our pets. my mum have been scolding me so much abt the kitten that i nearly gone deaf. i scolded back once. and my father was telling me sometimes my mum dun mean it. she work so hard and she just hoped we give her an Easier life. i know. sometimes my dad seems to notice his kids more than i would think of. i usually think he just slogged his whole life, comes home talk to the pets rather than talking to us, spend the whole night on tv and alcohol, spoiling his health. i never could understand him. but now. i know. he has always been a kind man. but the world have not been kind to him. it does not change so much of him though but he seems to work better alone. i always thought is hard to start a conversation with him until 2 years back when i got into trouble and i haD to apologise to my father when i know he was so..worried abt me. i was starting to get the attention from my parents that i wanted. i found that whenever i have some trouble i really have to go home and tell them.

i wish so much to give him a better life. i know the best present for him would be to get into a spore uni. i cried whenever i remember he got into an accident while driving a passenger and a sports car jus had to speed and knocked his taxi over. it really broke my heart so much so much that i dun know how to describe this pain. is probably a fear of losing him. he's old. how many years will i get to spend time with him? i wish for as long as it could be. get to see me complete my studies, work and getting married. he was tellin my uncle abt his work that day. that how some teenagers actualli lied to get money to pay for cab fare but in the end nope never come down disappeared and making my father wait for abt forever. time is precious each min slipping by is money for taxi drivers not just my father even other uncles. i dun know why people can be so inconsiderate. i got so angry all the time hearing ppl askin my father to carry those heavy television sets up for them, people who got drunk never wanting to pay again. such cases goes on down the list.

in many days i let my mum know how much i love her. on many days i've angered her. i hugged her and i find it ..soo nice. even though i find it hard to get my father to have a proper dinner with us even on new year days he seems to rushing off to work. the last dinner we ever had is of cos on my tis year bday. they said i'm the onli one who could get him to eat with us. but it doesnt seems to work on other days. but anyway i'm showing all the love i've got to him now. everyday.

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