you're a mystery yourself

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

11:54 PM

words are never enough

to tell of how i'm feeling now

i dun feel like going into a depressed mode. esp when xmas is near and i realli wish to be a jolly happie fellow. i wish to spread my utmost love to my darlings. i wish all the joys like snows flutter in the sky.

honestly, i miss yang alot. i do. everytime he left. i wished he never get up that bus.i jus realise his legs are rather thin. how much time can we spend together and all the time i have to be so cold. eek. i'm realli depressed on my appearance now. i dun know why. i become so paranoid. i dun feel like going anywhere. i dun even feel like letting anyone see my looks or see me. ghostly.

i wished i could switched moods to my bubbly side. i know i can. i am jus not making any effort to laugh right now.

i miss him. he is sleeping. i want him to know i miss him. i want him to know i want to hug him now. i want him to know he is so sweet and nice. his msg touched me all the time. u wun lose me i will take care. we will live a better life together.

i have no idea wat am i stressing myself for.

to anyone that care:
my diary contains you. whether i write abt u anot. whether i talk abt u often. i just want u to know i dun need to pen down abt loving you or missing you bcos i cant realli find the right words to this. so some day when u come on this blog and u see ur name not here. it does not mean i'm not thinkin abt u. probably i am missing u hell lots in my heart. each n every love ones of mine. are so locked up in my heart. i guess this means alot to me. sometimes i check out blogs to see whether they care abt how i feel. but then again. me myself do not mention names often. but somehow or rather i am feeling so much for the person be it my dear or my frens or family.

to yang:
i love u yang. even how blue my blog may seems to u. it does not mean u dun exist in my life. u are there alreadi. it does not need me to blog to remind myself to miss u to love u each day. bcos i find so much that if i tell my blog i miss u everyday it becomes a chore to me. i dun miss u sometimes i find i dun when i am busy with my life but realli nothin much busy stuff to think abt. mostly i am tinkin of our love. how are u and whether u have change every bit. i am thinkin jus thinkin. and if i dun talk much when we r together. i'm not thinkin much of other stuff probably things that i find it hard to say. i jus want u to know when i'm beside u. i am there. not just physically. but truly i'm listening to every words u jus said. i dun know why this sound like we just quarelled. but i jus feel like telling u that since ur so busy most of the time. i find the blog most easy to talk my heart out. maybe the inspiration jus come and i feel like telling u this and i know u will look at it sometimes and there u see i am talkin abt u again. and i hope whatever i say will light up ur smile. bcos u make me happie too ^_^

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